Post by Tora Yakari on Dec 14, 2009 21:30:56 GMT -5
As it went over well with my lovely beta readers (Lovey, Nakki, Koco, you guys rock!), here it is now for everyone - the sporking/riffing of the unbelievably rediculous Psychonauts Suefic Kuroi Midori No Kouun Na Tanoshimi No Yorokobi No Onnanoko ( www.fanfiction.net/s/4746371/1/ ) by Bangle of Darkness ( www.fanfiction.net/u/1780564/Bangle_of_Darkness ) as mocked by Raz, Lili, Sasha and my OC Miiku. Enjoy!
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Raz: So, wait, what are we doing?
Sasha: *lights cigarette* It appears we have to... critique something.
Lili: Like, a movie?
Miiku: Umm... sorta. It's a fan fiction.
Raz: What's that?
Sasha: Something teenage girls write to indulge their fantasies...
Miiku: Uh, yeah, sometimes... but not always...("Kuso, now I have to delete all of mine in case he ever finds them...")
Lili: So what's this thing about anyway?
Miiku: It's called "Kuroi Midori No Kouun Na Tanoshimi No Yorokobi No Onnanoko".
All but Miiku: ... .... what.
Raz: In English, please!
Lili: Wait, is this thing in Japanese? You'll need to translate for us then, Miiku!
Miiku: It's not, it's in English! Only the title's in Japanese, for some reason. By the way the title means "Enjoy the Pleasure of the Black Green Lucky Girl" ... which makes no sense. Obviously whoever wrote it doesn't actually speak the language which explains the bad grammar... *sigh* Why does everyone think my country's language is cool, I don't get it...
Sasha: *blows smoke* The title sounds... questionable. Are Miss Zanotto and Razputin old enough for this?
Raz: Hey, it's rated Teen, the same as our game! I can handle it!
Lili: You may not, I have the feeling this thing is just going to be awful...
Miiku: How bad can it be? I predict just usual anime fan cliches... I've dealt with enough of that...
Sasha: Let's not prolong this, I'm quite busy and have things to get to.
Raz: *turns it on*
AN: So it's my first story ever! I'm SOOOOOO happy to have this up! I just know everyone will love Lucky like I do,
Lili: Somehow I kinda doubt that.
Even if there's not a lot of action/adventure going on in this chapter. Just wait, I promise it'll get really action packed in the next chapter. ^__^
It was a gloomy day at Whispering Rock Psychic Summer Camp when Lucky decided to sneak out, unknowingly almost becoming the victim of a plot far bigger than herself.
Miiku: Because the protagonist can't walk 2 feet without getting involved in some typical misadventure.
Of course, it wasn't her idea totally. Austin was to blame, with his stupidly brilliant ideas.
Sasha: And his contradictory oxymorons.
"If you hate this place so much, why don't you go swim across the lake or something?"
Raz: How would swimming laps help?
her best friend had grumbled at her, annoyed, only to cringe as she gasped. "I was kidding." Nonetheless, she was out of there like a bat out of hell. Screw this place, screw the teachers, screw the other kids.
Lili: *sarcastic* Wow, you're like, a totally hard core rebel.
Miiku: Row row fight tha powa!
Why did they have to be so vicious? All she'd done was show up, and BAM! she was public enemy number one. A barrage of insults revolving around her name left her twitching, and a bunch of quips about her lack of telekinesis had made her desperately want show those jerks what a few good confusion grenades could really do.
Sasha: "Oh wah, I'm so tortured, no body loves me." Get over it.
Raz: You can't do telekinesis? Just go collect some Psi-Cards and rank up to level 20!
Telekinesis is the most basic thing ever!" Kitty had sneered. "Even Dogen can do it!" Lucky felt her cheeks redden even now. Still, she was too logical to fight back, even if that voice in her head wanted to.
Telekinesis. Bah, like it was useful or something? The only other person who could confuse people was Raz, and it was his last power!
Raz: Well, no, I just happened to find the merit badge last. I could've just as easily found clairvoyance or something last.
No one seemed to comment on her rare, long mastered power, the one none of them had.
Miiku: Do you guys know what a Mary-Sue is?
Lili: Isn't it like... somebody's who's so perfect and better than everyone else illogically you just wanna tear their eyes out?
Miiku: Yeah, money says Lucky is one of these, or is going to be soon.
It was like the other kids had gone insane in the past day. Mind you, before that, they were fine.
Raz: Wait, is this related to not having Telekinesis?
Lili: 'Mind you before that they were fine'. Yeah, no shit.
Sasha: Watch your language, Miss Zanotto....
There was a surprising amount of making out, but they were otherwise pretty normal. Now they were turning on each other, hurling insults and comparing powers and having all out fights with each other. Only Raz remained sane, and he was called away on official Psychonauts business with Lili, leaving batshit insanity in their wake
Raz: But I brag about my powers all the time... none of that's anything new.
Lili: Does this Lucky girl live under a rock?
Raz: Yeah, a WHISPERING Rock! Ba-Zing!
Sasha: ... You're lucky I don't smack you for such an awful pun.
Lucky was too mature to get involved in the petty fights everywhere around camp. Instead, she was going to go somewhere nice and quiet, away from all of them, and wait this whole shebang out. Like she'd be stupid enough to feud with other kids her age. Like they knew anything.
Miiku: "Oh look at me, I'm Lucky! I'm too smart and powerful and mature to be friends with any of the stupid lame-o's here!" Yeah, totally a Mary-Sue.
Why did life have to always be so hard? All she wanted was to make friends. She had, here, then it had all fallen apart. It was just like her brother said. 'Everything eventually decays'. Everything had fallen apart.
Sasha: *epic sarcasm* Oh wah, woe is me, I'm so dark and tortured. Isn't she a little young for teen angst?
Miiku: Unfortunately the minimum age for annoying emo seems to be getting lower and lower...
Each person she'd thought she was on good terms with had turned from her, treating her with the same unbridled anger they now directed at everyone. No matter what, it seemed, she was doomed to sit back in the shadows, unknown and too controlled to defend herself. A part of her wanted to throw confusion grenades at them until they had seizures and then run. A part of her wanted to teleport away whenever things went wrong. But she wasn't going to be that way, she told herself.
Lili: "I think I'm tortured but I'm just pretentious!"
She was going to be a Psychonaut one day, and they didn't do those things. Psychonauts didn't run from their problems or solve them with violence. Sure, this wasn't the easiest place to be, yelled at and insulted by every other kid. That didn't mean she should sink to their level.
Go throw a confusion grenade at one of them and say that again! the voice in her head argued. I gurantee you, one ass kicked and you'll realize just how stupid you're being. You could probably take them if you ambushed them, Rukki-chan. You're like a bomb when you go off, blasts everywhere and invisible and a terror. We could take out everyone who's wronged you, you and me, and you could be top of your class by default.
Miiku: I think Lucky might be schizophrenic, she's hearing people who think she's Japanese.
Ignore him, Luckinata! Think about what Raz would say if that happened!
Raz: I'd say "GO SEEK HELP". I don't hear voices! ... Well unless it's Lili when she's thinking about making out with me.
Lili: *blushes* Hey!
Lucky smiled to herself, shaking off the voices in her head for a moment. Raz believed in her dream of being a Psychonaut. He believed in everyone's dreams, actually. He was such a sweetheart that way, and it did wonders for brightening up her mood. Granted, the first night he'd been just as freaked out by her as everyone else. An insomniac by nature, she'd been up all night running around trying to find psi challenge markers and cards. In her head, she thought that maybe she could get her rank up and learn telekinesis, but so far Ford Cruller refused to teach her as 'punishment for runnin' around all night'.
Raz: Actually Ford runs around all night himself, and so do I. He actually refused to teach you because you're so annoying.
Whatever. At least she got to meet Raz, the legendary Psychonaut, away from everyone else. That was worth the trouble, quite frankly. His presence made it worth it to hold back Shadow Luck in her head.
Sasha: Oh, you NAMED the voices in your head? Yeah, that's totally normal.
She couldn't dissappoint him. He was her kindred spirit. Besides, she had promised herself that she would never be weak and let a little thing like schizophrenia control her. Psychonauts didn't have that kind of problem, and Lucky was definitely going to be a Psychonaut.
Miiku: Wait, so she KNOWS she's schizophrenic? Why doesn't she get help?!
Sasha: Maybe she thinks she's too mature, smart and powerful. *smokes* Brat...
The waters of the lake were cold as the nine year old arrived, and in fact the sand seemed to be almost frozen together. The day was unseasonably cold and decidedly omninous. Dark grey clouds hung in the sky, waiting to shower the camp with yet another bout of rain. Lucky absent mindedly noted that Milla was still on the docks regardless, helping a few kids with their levitation. Immediately, Lucky ducked out of sight. Milla Vodello always acted strangely around her. She didn't hate her - could Milla ever hate anyone, honestly? - but she seemed supremely uneasy and disturbed by the girl's presence, which baffled Lucky
Miiku: Hey, Milla's got the right idea! Avoid her and pretend she doesn't exist!
Raz: That's... really weird for Milla though, she never hates anybody, especially kids!
Lili: Milla must be able to sense her pretentiousness.
Lucky wasn't an unusual looking girl, no more so that any other child at this camp, yet Milla was always refusing to make eye contact with her and spoke in a very un-Milla like, clipped tone when the girl was around. Honestly, Lucky didn't see what was wrong with her. Her green eyes were just like Milla's, as a matter of fact, so why was the Psychonaut so edgy around her? It left the nine year old feeling very unwanted and out of place.
Miiku: I'm starting a "Annoying Lucky Angst Count". So far we're up to 5.
In any case, this threw a wrench into the running away plan, which had been pretty vague to begin with. The easiest thing to do would be to wait for Milla to leave in a few hours. Until then, however, there wasn't much to do, so the Psycadet found a rock to sit on and pulled out a book to read. She wanted to learn German, but it was much harder for her than any other language. Her tongue just couldn't seem to make the sounds
Lili: Wait, what does the book have to do with learning German? Is the book in German? This seems like it's going off on a completely different topic.
Sasha: I'm grateful, I'd rather not have her abusive my native language, danke.
Now, Spanish, that was easy. Lucky had picked that up easily while traveling with the Galochio Circus - a lot of the people in the freak show spoke it.
Raz: WAIT WAIT WAIT WAIT BACK UP. She travels with the Galochios?! Is she one of them?! And if she is... I'M HER FRIEND? That doesn't even begin to make sense! If I ever met a Galochio I'd rip their throat out!
French was a bit trickier, but a year of studying and she had it down.
Miiku: I also wanna count the Mary-Sue traits. Pretentious, "tortured", powerful, and speaks many languages... so far that alone would get you a pretty high score on any Sue litmus test.
Japanese... Lucky froze, memories streaming through her. Her Japanese classmates laughing at her accent, calling her gaijin. People staring at her everywhere she went. The glares. The whispers. Running away had been all she knew to do, damn the people who were going to adopt her. She felt her eyes well up with tears at the memories, and snapped her book shut, shaking her head.
Lili: Angst count is at 6.
Raz: Wait... what was she remembering?
Sasha: I don't know, nor do I care.
No, she wasn't going to dwell on this. She wasn't going to be a crybaby over the past. Other kids did that. She didn't. She was better than that, more mature. She forced her mind back to the present, ignoring both the voices in her head begging her not to. They said there was something important in her head, something about the chosen one, but Lucky shut her eyes tight, focusing on the situation at hand.
Miiku: ... Chosen one? REALLY? CHOSEN ONE? ... I'm counting that as 100 more Mary-Sue points.
The lack of light did nothing to keep her from examining her own face in search of an answer to what she refered to as her 'Milla problem'. The mirror of the outhouse showed nothing she hadn't seen before. Pale, porcelain skin, a heart shaped face accented by a pointed nose, and deep set almond shaped eyes. Though she wasn't sure how, even here at camp she hadn't tanned, her smooth, flawless skin refusing to change pigment from pure snowy white.
Lili: 'Flawless skin'? Really? Miiku how many more Mary-Sue points is that?
Miiku: Too many.
Her eyes were identical to Milla's, just as her thin limbs were. Black, messy hair flew into her eyes in what had once been an excellent bowl cut that, after monthes of not being maintained, fell shaggily into her eyes, covering them at times. The jagged edges of the razor she'd used to cut her hair still remained in her raven locks, creating a wild sort of look that suggested heavily her background in the Galochio Circus.
Raz: Wait... I don't think the Galochios ever even HAD a circus. I mean, they might've, my dad never told me if they did, but what he did tell is that they were gypsies and fortune tellers. That doesn't always mean circus.
When using her confusion and levitation powers, her eyes glowed a green-yellow that even she had to admit looked scary at night - no wonder all the students had been afraid of her great power when she got here.
Lili: They're not scared of your power, they're scared of your bitchitude.
Sasha: Miss Zanotto, langu- ... oh forget it, this brat deserves to be sworn at.
Her black, sleeveless hoodie fell to her knees, and her black pants, too, were a bit baggy. Ah, well, she'd grow into them. Absent mindedly picking at the arm of one of her black and neon yellow-green striped armwarmers, she sighed. The yin half of a yin yang pendant hung around her neck, the last memory she had of her biological parents hanging upon it. Fingering it gently, she tried desperately to tear her mind away from the thought of her parents death, and returned her dark, street wise gaze to the mirror.
Miiku: Angst count is 7.
No matter how many times Lucky looked in the mirror, she didn't see what set Milla on edge, and it was driving her insane. All she wanted for her levitation teacher to not hate her. Was that so much to ask?
Sasha: Well maybe she'd like you if you stopped acting like a pretentious little emo.
At a loss, she went back to her cabin, where Austin sat waiting, his chubby, round figure familiar as the sun rise to her after a few days as his cabin mate. He raised an eyebrow at her and she flopped down on the bed face first, but didn't comment on the downtrodden expression marring her heart shaped face.
Sasha: *sarcasm* Because we'd totally let a boy and a girl about to go through puberty share a cabin.
"What happened to the escape plan?" he questioned as she flipped over onto her back. "I thought you were going to go ride off into the sunset to make your fortune."
"Milla happened, desu wa."
Miiku: WAIT. STOP. TOMARE. "Desu wa"? That's 100% grammatical fail! Okay, I'm giving you a Japanese lesson, since I am an actual native to the country. "wa" is a particle, and it is placed after the topic of the sentence. "desu" is a bit difficult to explain to English speakers, but it's mostly a polite way to end a sentence that means "is", "am", or "are". So to say "Watashi desu" means "I am". But desu CANNOT BE the subject of the sentence, therefore "desu wa" doesn't make sense. Nothing ever goes after desu, except for 'ka', which makes the sentence a question. So "Watashi desu ka." means "Am I?". THERE. *collapses*
Sasha: Wow, impressive, Agent Iwakuto. Fantastic job defending your language. I could not do better myself for German.
Miiku: *blushes* Doumo arigatou gozaimasu, Nein-san... *bows*
Lucky sighed, meeting Austin's chocolate brown eyes with a tired look in her own green ones. "She hates me, desu wa. I can feel it, I can see it, and I just know she's thinking it, desu wa."
Lili: "It couldn't possibly be because of my depressing angsting, jerky pretentiousness and rape of a respectable language, desu wa!"
"No she doesn't, she's MILLA," Austin retorted. "The day she hates someone is the day Sasha Nein sells off all the children to the Chinese slave trade, moves to Sweden and begins taking opium rectally."
Sasha: ... Well, I would love to sell this Lucky brat to the Chinese slave trade, move to Sweden to refuse I am even vaguely associated of this horrible self-indulgent story, and I may have to take opium to deal with how awful this all is. Does that count?
Lucky wasn't sure whether to laugh or stare at him, so she chose to keep talking instead. "Everyone here hates me except you and the new Assistant Instructor, desu wa." She blinked. "Where is the AI anyway, desu wa?"
Raz: AI? ... Did Whispering Rock get a robot instructor? If we did, that's AWESOME!
Lili: I wouldn't get my hopes up.
"Family emergency or something, she had to leave," the brunette replied from his bunk, then returned to the first subject. "We could probably go hide in the cave by the cabins, if everyone's still acting crazy. Then we can try running away later."
"We, desu wa?"
"Yes, we. I'm tired of everyone fighting to compensate for the fact that they haven't hit puberty, and I'm tired of Oleander yelling at everyone to compensate for the fact that he'll never hit puberty," the twelve year old snapped.
Sasha: ... That was mildly humorous. I like this character much better.
"I swear, one more announcement over the loud speaker and I'm going to spam him with a bunch of Rule 34."
As they headed out of the cabins, the air thick with moisture, Lucky asked, "What's Rule 34, desu wa?"
He rolled his eyes at her internet-naievety.
Miiku: She's NINE, how is supposed to know what a code name for internet porn is?! What do YOU know what it is, you're TWELVE! Jeez!
Raz: No wonder everyone's obessed with making out.
One day he'd have to get the poor girl a laptop and some wi-fi. "Don't ask."
So they set up inside the cave, which was honestly something of a sanctuary for Austin when he couldn't stand the noise and stupidity of his classmates. Then again, most people registered as 'stupid' in his mind right now.
Lili: Well this explains why they're best friends. They're both the only ones pretentious enough to withstand each other's pretentiousness.
He had stocked the ice box, brought some books in and settled by the end of the first day. By the beginning of the second, Lucky had decided she liked standing around in the cave listening to unwary camper's conversations. By the end of the third day, they'd formed an agreement that when they couldn't stand people, they'd meet here, drink Monster Energy and talk about everything and nothing. Lucky was grateful to have him as a friend, even if he got in trouble with Milla all the time for swearing.
Sasha: ... Umm, there, that could explain why she dislikes you. Hello?
(Sasha, on the other hand, didn't seem to mind that much.) Austin handed her a can of Monster Energy, and they clinked cans.
"To Milla having the first known case of Luckyphobia."
"To your fluffy curly hair, desu wa."
Raz: "To the abuse of the Japanese language, desu wa!"
Miiku: Why is she even using vaguely Japanese words anyway? I thought she had vague horrible memories of the Japanese language. This doesn't make any sense at all!
And so preoccupied giggling was she, she didn't notice the way his cheeks turned deep red at the comment. She never seemed to notice the crush he had on her, actually, although everyone else saw it. Lucky was just a bit oblivious when it came to people sometimes. Having never had a crush of her own, she tended to miss those obvious signs everyone else saw. On top of that, her skeptical nature led her to not believe most people on instinct.
Raz: That's not called being skeptical, that's called being a douchebag.
Lili: I hope they don't grow up and get married, I don't want them having pretentious jerk-ass kids.
t would take a real declaration of true love to get her attention, Austin mused. He'd have to get to her before Bobby Zilch did. Ugh, now, HIS crush on Lucky was bordering on stalkery, and really, would a pretty girl like her ever end up with someone as obnoxious as he was? Lucky didn't seem to mind his lisping and spitting, though.
Miiku: Wait, BOBBY has a crush on her?! I thought nobody liked her, and she didn't like anybody! Way to completely contradict yourself to add more Sue points.
She was too sophisticated to be rude to someone for minor things like that. Yet she was still enough of a child to sit here and have a pop with him. Austin felt hismelf smile against his will. She was really something special.
Sasha: If you call schizophrenic, anti-social and depressed for no reason 'special'.
Little did they know, as they sat there chuckling and swigging caffeine, something evil was about to unfold. For plots are dark and evil as what was brewing in Whispering Rock inevitably explode, and when they do, there can be no peace on this earth.
Miiku: Oh good, it's over. Or at least this chapter is. I can't believe there's 6 more.
Lili: Did ANYTHING in this chapter have anything to do with the story besides a lengthy character introduction? Nothing really happened, the plot didn't really seem to progress.... also where are all the actual Psychonauts characters? The only characters in this chapter where the two fan-made characters, not counting the ones that were just mentioned but didn't actually do anything.
Sasha: I told you, fan fiction like this is nothing but self indulgent garbage. I dread having to see the rest of this...
Raz: Me too, but at least she probably won't do something completely bizarre and rediculous... like I dunno, fight the devil. How retarded would that be?
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Chapter 2 coming soon?!
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Raz: So, wait, what are we doing?
Sasha: *lights cigarette* It appears we have to... critique something.
Lili: Like, a movie?
Miiku: Umm... sorta. It's a fan fiction.
Raz: What's that?
Sasha: Something teenage girls write to indulge their fantasies...
Miiku: Uh, yeah, sometimes... but not always...("Kuso, now I have to delete all of mine in case he ever finds them...")
Lili: So what's this thing about anyway?
Miiku: It's called "Kuroi Midori No Kouun Na Tanoshimi No Yorokobi No Onnanoko".
All but Miiku: ... .... what.
Raz: In English, please!
Lili: Wait, is this thing in Japanese? You'll need to translate for us then, Miiku!
Miiku: It's not, it's in English! Only the title's in Japanese, for some reason. By the way the title means "Enjoy the Pleasure of the Black Green Lucky Girl" ... which makes no sense. Obviously whoever wrote it doesn't actually speak the language which explains the bad grammar... *sigh* Why does everyone think my country's language is cool, I don't get it...
Sasha: *blows smoke* The title sounds... questionable. Are Miss Zanotto and Razputin old enough for this?
Raz: Hey, it's rated Teen, the same as our game! I can handle it!
Lili: You may not, I have the feeling this thing is just going to be awful...
Miiku: How bad can it be? I predict just usual anime fan cliches... I've dealt with enough of that...
Sasha: Let's not prolong this, I'm quite busy and have things to get to.
Raz: *turns it on*
AN: So it's my first story ever! I'm SOOOOOO happy to have this up! I just know everyone will love Lucky like I do,
Lili: Somehow I kinda doubt that.
Even if there's not a lot of action/adventure going on in this chapter. Just wait, I promise it'll get really action packed in the next chapter. ^__^
It was a gloomy day at Whispering Rock Psychic Summer Camp when Lucky decided to sneak out, unknowingly almost becoming the victim of a plot far bigger than herself.
Miiku: Because the protagonist can't walk 2 feet without getting involved in some typical misadventure.
Of course, it wasn't her idea totally. Austin was to blame, with his stupidly brilliant ideas.
Sasha: And his contradictory oxymorons.
"If you hate this place so much, why don't you go swim across the lake or something?"
Raz: How would swimming laps help?
her best friend had grumbled at her, annoyed, only to cringe as she gasped. "I was kidding." Nonetheless, she was out of there like a bat out of hell. Screw this place, screw the teachers, screw the other kids.
Lili: *sarcastic* Wow, you're like, a totally hard core rebel.
Miiku: Row row fight tha powa!
Why did they have to be so vicious? All she'd done was show up, and BAM! she was public enemy number one. A barrage of insults revolving around her name left her twitching, and a bunch of quips about her lack of telekinesis had made her desperately want show those jerks what a few good confusion grenades could really do.
Sasha: "Oh wah, I'm so tortured, no body loves me." Get over it.
Raz: You can't do telekinesis? Just go collect some Psi-Cards and rank up to level 20!
Telekinesis is the most basic thing ever!" Kitty had sneered. "Even Dogen can do it!" Lucky felt her cheeks redden even now. Still, she was too logical to fight back, even if that voice in her head wanted to.
Telekinesis. Bah, like it was useful or something? The only other person who could confuse people was Raz, and it was his last power!
Raz: Well, no, I just happened to find the merit badge last. I could've just as easily found clairvoyance or something last.
No one seemed to comment on her rare, long mastered power, the one none of them had.
Miiku: Do you guys know what a Mary-Sue is?
Lili: Isn't it like... somebody's who's so perfect and better than everyone else illogically you just wanna tear their eyes out?
Miiku: Yeah, money says Lucky is one of these, or is going to be soon.
It was like the other kids had gone insane in the past day. Mind you, before that, they were fine.
Raz: Wait, is this related to not having Telekinesis?
Lili: 'Mind you before that they were fine'. Yeah, no shit.
Sasha: Watch your language, Miss Zanotto....
There was a surprising amount of making out, but they were otherwise pretty normal. Now they were turning on each other, hurling insults and comparing powers and having all out fights with each other. Only Raz remained sane, and he was called away on official Psychonauts business with Lili, leaving batshit insanity in their wake
Raz: But I brag about my powers all the time... none of that's anything new.
Lili: Does this Lucky girl live under a rock?
Raz: Yeah, a WHISPERING Rock! Ba-Zing!
Sasha: ... You're lucky I don't smack you for such an awful pun.
Lucky was too mature to get involved in the petty fights everywhere around camp. Instead, she was going to go somewhere nice and quiet, away from all of them, and wait this whole shebang out. Like she'd be stupid enough to feud with other kids her age. Like they knew anything.
Miiku: "Oh look at me, I'm Lucky! I'm too smart and powerful and mature to be friends with any of the stupid lame-o's here!" Yeah, totally a Mary-Sue.
Why did life have to always be so hard? All she wanted was to make friends. She had, here, then it had all fallen apart. It was just like her brother said. 'Everything eventually decays'. Everything had fallen apart.
Sasha: *epic sarcasm* Oh wah, woe is me, I'm so dark and tortured. Isn't she a little young for teen angst?
Miiku: Unfortunately the minimum age for annoying emo seems to be getting lower and lower...
Each person she'd thought she was on good terms with had turned from her, treating her with the same unbridled anger they now directed at everyone. No matter what, it seemed, she was doomed to sit back in the shadows, unknown and too controlled to defend herself. A part of her wanted to throw confusion grenades at them until they had seizures and then run. A part of her wanted to teleport away whenever things went wrong. But she wasn't going to be that way, she told herself.
Lili: "I think I'm tortured but I'm just pretentious!"
She was going to be a Psychonaut one day, and they didn't do those things. Psychonauts didn't run from their problems or solve them with violence. Sure, this wasn't the easiest place to be, yelled at and insulted by every other kid. That didn't mean she should sink to their level.
Go throw a confusion grenade at one of them and say that again! the voice in her head argued. I gurantee you, one ass kicked and you'll realize just how stupid you're being. You could probably take them if you ambushed them, Rukki-chan. You're like a bomb when you go off, blasts everywhere and invisible and a terror. We could take out everyone who's wronged you, you and me, and you could be top of your class by default.
Miiku: I think Lucky might be schizophrenic, she's hearing people who think she's Japanese.
Ignore him, Luckinata! Think about what Raz would say if that happened!
Raz: I'd say "GO SEEK HELP". I don't hear voices! ... Well unless it's Lili when she's thinking about making out with me.
Lili: *blushes* Hey!
Lucky smiled to herself, shaking off the voices in her head for a moment. Raz believed in her dream of being a Psychonaut. He believed in everyone's dreams, actually. He was such a sweetheart that way, and it did wonders for brightening up her mood. Granted, the first night he'd been just as freaked out by her as everyone else. An insomniac by nature, she'd been up all night running around trying to find psi challenge markers and cards. In her head, she thought that maybe she could get her rank up and learn telekinesis, but so far Ford Cruller refused to teach her as 'punishment for runnin' around all night'.
Raz: Actually Ford runs around all night himself, and so do I. He actually refused to teach you because you're so annoying.
Whatever. At least she got to meet Raz, the legendary Psychonaut, away from everyone else. That was worth the trouble, quite frankly. His presence made it worth it to hold back Shadow Luck in her head.
Sasha: Oh, you NAMED the voices in your head? Yeah, that's totally normal.
She couldn't dissappoint him. He was her kindred spirit. Besides, she had promised herself that she would never be weak and let a little thing like schizophrenia control her. Psychonauts didn't have that kind of problem, and Lucky was definitely going to be a Psychonaut.
Miiku: Wait, so she KNOWS she's schizophrenic? Why doesn't she get help?!
Sasha: Maybe she thinks she's too mature, smart and powerful. *smokes* Brat...
The waters of the lake were cold as the nine year old arrived, and in fact the sand seemed to be almost frozen together. The day was unseasonably cold and decidedly omninous. Dark grey clouds hung in the sky, waiting to shower the camp with yet another bout of rain. Lucky absent mindedly noted that Milla was still on the docks regardless, helping a few kids with their levitation. Immediately, Lucky ducked out of sight. Milla Vodello always acted strangely around her. She didn't hate her - could Milla ever hate anyone, honestly? - but she seemed supremely uneasy and disturbed by the girl's presence, which baffled Lucky
Miiku: Hey, Milla's got the right idea! Avoid her and pretend she doesn't exist!
Raz: That's... really weird for Milla though, she never hates anybody, especially kids!
Lili: Milla must be able to sense her pretentiousness.
Lucky wasn't an unusual looking girl, no more so that any other child at this camp, yet Milla was always refusing to make eye contact with her and spoke in a very un-Milla like, clipped tone when the girl was around. Honestly, Lucky didn't see what was wrong with her. Her green eyes were just like Milla's, as a matter of fact, so why was the Psychonaut so edgy around her? It left the nine year old feeling very unwanted and out of place.
Miiku: I'm starting a "Annoying Lucky Angst Count". So far we're up to 5.
In any case, this threw a wrench into the running away plan, which had been pretty vague to begin with. The easiest thing to do would be to wait for Milla to leave in a few hours. Until then, however, there wasn't much to do, so the Psycadet found a rock to sit on and pulled out a book to read. She wanted to learn German, but it was much harder for her than any other language. Her tongue just couldn't seem to make the sounds
Lili: Wait, what does the book have to do with learning German? Is the book in German? This seems like it's going off on a completely different topic.
Sasha: I'm grateful, I'd rather not have her abusive my native language, danke.
Now, Spanish, that was easy. Lucky had picked that up easily while traveling with the Galochio Circus - a lot of the people in the freak show spoke it.
Raz: WAIT WAIT WAIT WAIT BACK UP. She travels with the Galochios?! Is she one of them?! And if she is... I'M HER FRIEND? That doesn't even begin to make sense! If I ever met a Galochio I'd rip their throat out!
French was a bit trickier, but a year of studying and she had it down.
Miiku: I also wanna count the Mary-Sue traits. Pretentious, "tortured", powerful, and speaks many languages... so far that alone would get you a pretty high score on any Sue litmus test.
Japanese... Lucky froze, memories streaming through her. Her Japanese classmates laughing at her accent, calling her gaijin. People staring at her everywhere she went. The glares. The whispers. Running away had been all she knew to do, damn the people who were going to adopt her. She felt her eyes well up with tears at the memories, and snapped her book shut, shaking her head.
Lili: Angst count is at 6.
Raz: Wait... what was she remembering?
Sasha: I don't know, nor do I care.
No, she wasn't going to dwell on this. She wasn't going to be a crybaby over the past. Other kids did that. She didn't. She was better than that, more mature. She forced her mind back to the present, ignoring both the voices in her head begging her not to. They said there was something important in her head, something about the chosen one, but Lucky shut her eyes tight, focusing on the situation at hand.
Miiku: ... Chosen one? REALLY? CHOSEN ONE? ... I'm counting that as 100 more Mary-Sue points.
The lack of light did nothing to keep her from examining her own face in search of an answer to what she refered to as her 'Milla problem'. The mirror of the outhouse showed nothing she hadn't seen before. Pale, porcelain skin, a heart shaped face accented by a pointed nose, and deep set almond shaped eyes. Though she wasn't sure how, even here at camp she hadn't tanned, her smooth, flawless skin refusing to change pigment from pure snowy white.
Lili: 'Flawless skin'? Really? Miiku how many more Mary-Sue points is that?
Miiku: Too many.
Her eyes were identical to Milla's, just as her thin limbs were. Black, messy hair flew into her eyes in what had once been an excellent bowl cut that, after monthes of not being maintained, fell shaggily into her eyes, covering them at times. The jagged edges of the razor she'd used to cut her hair still remained in her raven locks, creating a wild sort of look that suggested heavily her background in the Galochio Circus.
Raz: Wait... I don't think the Galochios ever even HAD a circus. I mean, they might've, my dad never told me if they did, but what he did tell is that they were gypsies and fortune tellers. That doesn't always mean circus.
When using her confusion and levitation powers, her eyes glowed a green-yellow that even she had to admit looked scary at night - no wonder all the students had been afraid of her great power when she got here.
Lili: They're not scared of your power, they're scared of your bitchitude.
Sasha: Miss Zanotto, langu- ... oh forget it, this brat deserves to be sworn at.
Her black, sleeveless hoodie fell to her knees, and her black pants, too, were a bit baggy. Ah, well, she'd grow into them. Absent mindedly picking at the arm of one of her black and neon yellow-green striped armwarmers, she sighed. The yin half of a yin yang pendant hung around her neck, the last memory she had of her biological parents hanging upon it. Fingering it gently, she tried desperately to tear her mind away from the thought of her parents death, and returned her dark, street wise gaze to the mirror.
Miiku: Angst count is 7.
No matter how many times Lucky looked in the mirror, she didn't see what set Milla on edge, and it was driving her insane. All she wanted for her levitation teacher to not hate her. Was that so much to ask?
Sasha: Well maybe she'd like you if you stopped acting like a pretentious little emo.
At a loss, she went back to her cabin, where Austin sat waiting, his chubby, round figure familiar as the sun rise to her after a few days as his cabin mate. He raised an eyebrow at her and she flopped down on the bed face first, but didn't comment on the downtrodden expression marring her heart shaped face.
Sasha: *sarcasm* Because we'd totally let a boy and a girl about to go through puberty share a cabin.
"What happened to the escape plan?" he questioned as she flipped over onto her back. "I thought you were going to go ride off into the sunset to make your fortune."
"Milla happened, desu wa."
Miiku: WAIT. STOP. TOMARE. "Desu wa"? That's 100% grammatical fail! Okay, I'm giving you a Japanese lesson, since I am an actual native to the country. "wa" is a particle, and it is placed after the topic of the sentence. "desu" is a bit difficult to explain to English speakers, but it's mostly a polite way to end a sentence that means "is", "am", or "are". So to say "Watashi desu" means "I am". But desu CANNOT BE the subject of the sentence, therefore "desu wa" doesn't make sense. Nothing ever goes after desu, except for 'ka', which makes the sentence a question. So "Watashi desu ka." means "Am I?". THERE. *collapses*
Sasha: Wow, impressive, Agent Iwakuto. Fantastic job defending your language. I could not do better myself for German.
Miiku: *blushes* Doumo arigatou gozaimasu, Nein-san... *bows*
Lucky sighed, meeting Austin's chocolate brown eyes with a tired look in her own green ones. "She hates me, desu wa. I can feel it, I can see it, and I just know she's thinking it, desu wa."
Lili: "It couldn't possibly be because of my depressing angsting, jerky pretentiousness and rape of a respectable language, desu wa!"
"No she doesn't, she's MILLA," Austin retorted. "The day she hates someone is the day Sasha Nein sells off all the children to the Chinese slave trade, moves to Sweden and begins taking opium rectally."
Sasha: ... Well, I would love to sell this Lucky brat to the Chinese slave trade, move to Sweden to refuse I am even vaguely associated of this horrible self-indulgent story, and I may have to take opium to deal with how awful this all is. Does that count?
Lucky wasn't sure whether to laugh or stare at him, so she chose to keep talking instead. "Everyone here hates me except you and the new Assistant Instructor, desu wa." She blinked. "Where is the AI anyway, desu wa?"
Raz: AI? ... Did Whispering Rock get a robot instructor? If we did, that's AWESOME!
Lili: I wouldn't get my hopes up.
"Family emergency or something, she had to leave," the brunette replied from his bunk, then returned to the first subject. "We could probably go hide in the cave by the cabins, if everyone's still acting crazy. Then we can try running away later."
"We, desu wa?"
"Yes, we. I'm tired of everyone fighting to compensate for the fact that they haven't hit puberty, and I'm tired of Oleander yelling at everyone to compensate for the fact that he'll never hit puberty," the twelve year old snapped.
Sasha: ... That was mildly humorous. I like this character much better.
"I swear, one more announcement over the loud speaker and I'm going to spam him with a bunch of Rule 34."
As they headed out of the cabins, the air thick with moisture, Lucky asked, "What's Rule 34, desu wa?"
He rolled his eyes at her internet-naievety.
Miiku: She's NINE, how is supposed to know what a code name for internet porn is?! What do YOU know what it is, you're TWELVE! Jeez!
Raz: No wonder everyone's obessed with making out.
One day he'd have to get the poor girl a laptop and some wi-fi. "Don't ask."
So they set up inside the cave, which was honestly something of a sanctuary for Austin when he couldn't stand the noise and stupidity of his classmates. Then again, most people registered as 'stupid' in his mind right now.
Lili: Well this explains why they're best friends. They're both the only ones pretentious enough to withstand each other's pretentiousness.
He had stocked the ice box, brought some books in and settled by the end of the first day. By the beginning of the second, Lucky had decided she liked standing around in the cave listening to unwary camper's conversations. By the end of the third day, they'd formed an agreement that when they couldn't stand people, they'd meet here, drink Monster Energy and talk about everything and nothing. Lucky was grateful to have him as a friend, even if he got in trouble with Milla all the time for swearing.
Sasha: ... Umm, there, that could explain why she dislikes you. Hello?
(Sasha, on the other hand, didn't seem to mind that much.) Austin handed her a can of Monster Energy, and they clinked cans.
"To Milla having the first known case of Luckyphobia."
"To your fluffy curly hair, desu wa."
Raz: "To the abuse of the Japanese language, desu wa!"
Miiku: Why is she even using vaguely Japanese words anyway? I thought she had vague horrible memories of the Japanese language. This doesn't make any sense at all!
And so preoccupied giggling was she, she didn't notice the way his cheeks turned deep red at the comment. She never seemed to notice the crush he had on her, actually, although everyone else saw it. Lucky was just a bit oblivious when it came to people sometimes. Having never had a crush of her own, she tended to miss those obvious signs everyone else saw. On top of that, her skeptical nature led her to not believe most people on instinct.
Raz: That's not called being skeptical, that's called being a douchebag.
Lili: I hope they don't grow up and get married, I don't want them having pretentious jerk-ass kids.
t would take a real declaration of true love to get her attention, Austin mused. He'd have to get to her before Bobby Zilch did. Ugh, now, HIS crush on Lucky was bordering on stalkery, and really, would a pretty girl like her ever end up with someone as obnoxious as he was? Lucky didn't seem to mind his lisping and spitting, though.
Miiku: Wait, BOBBY has a crush on her?! I thought nobody liked her, and she didn't like anybody! Way to completely contradict yourself to add more Sue points.
She was too sophisticated to be rude to someone for minor things like that. Yet she was still enough of a child to sit here and have a pop with him. Austin felt hismelf smile against his will. She was really something special.
Sasha: If you call schizophrenic, anti-social and depressed for no reason 'special'.
Little did they know, as they sat there chuckling and swigging caffeine, something evil was about to unfold. For plots are dark and evil as what was brewing in Whispering Rock inevitably explode, and when they do, there can be no peace on this earth.
Miiku: Oh good, it's over. Or at least this chapter is. I can't believe there's 6 more.
Lili: Did ANYTHING in this chapter have anything to do with the story besides a lengthy character introduction? Nothing really happened, the plot didn't really seem to progress.... also where are all the actual Psychonauts characters? The only characters in this chapter where the two fan-made characters, not counting the ones that were just mentioned but didn't actually do anything.
Sasha: I told you, fan fiction like this is nothing but self indulgent garbage. I dread having to see the rest of this...
Raz: Me too, but at least she probably won't do something completely bizarre and rediculous... like I dunno, fight the devil. How retarded would that be?
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Chapter 2 coming soon?!
